Drive By

I started driving school two days ago, the only freedom I have made use of from those I got when I turned 18. It might seem funny to start quite so late (Lot of you must be laughing, Most people I know atarted driving at 16...) but hell, I'm driving, thats what matters.

Though it's not as fun as I'd expected. The car I'm learning in is pretty old and has no Power steering. Not that I expected it, but it's quite a pain to put the spin on the steering 2 or 3 times every time I do a 90 degree turn.

And my instructor is a strange old cove. He talks non-stop, probably to get me used to concentrating on the road as well as his crap at the same time. Effective, but annoying. He claims he's spent a lot of time in Kuwait and other (quote)'Gulfi country places'(unquote). When I told him my name, his first reaction was to ask me if I was a (translated)'Roman Catholic who worships the Italian God'. I'd like to imagine he means the Pope, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's referring to something else. Maybe the dude who put the incline on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Today he said something about feeling hungry, and proceeded to (as part of my training(, make me drive through some pretty narrow bylanes till he reached a tea shop and got out to have bhajia or something. Bothersome, definitely (he didn't even give me any!) but I can't say I'm not learning quite a bit from him.

The Art of Conversation...

...is dead to me now.

I find it harder and harder to have a normal conversation nowadays. I had this one with friend after he succeded in irritating me with a 'Crazy Frog' impression...

Me: Dude,  stop that, or I swear, I am gonna kick you so hard, it'll take a team of surgeons to get my foot outta your ass...

Him: Why?

Me: What?

Him: Why would you wanna put your foot up an ass? Incredibly dirty place to put a foot, don'tcha think?

Me: Well, I can always wash my feet...The butt, on the other hand, is gonna end up pretty sore, something that can't be so easily fixed...

Him: You can always go to a doctor...

Me: Yes, but fixing it involves a lot of pain and embarrasment, which is the motive for the foot-stuffing in the first place...Just imagine how embarrasing it might be to go ask your doctor to stich your ass up...

Him: ...

Me: Pretty damn embarrasing...

Him: I'd imagine a lot of gay guys have that problem...

Me: -_- ...I'd imagine they use something...

Me: You know, that novadaine or duragel or something?

Him: Novocaine?

Me: No, that's what dentists use...

Him: It's the same thing, Mahendra Vatsa mentioned it...the gel stuff...

Me: The same stuff that dentists put on their hands... 0_0

Him: ...eew...imagine a gay dentist...using the same jar of gel for two VERY different purposes...

Me: Dude, please...why won't he buy another jar, if he was so inclined to use it for err...personal use?

Him: Yeah right, imagine him asking the chemist guy...'I'd like two jars please...one for the clinic..and one for...er...*cough*...Home....'

Me:...

Me: You are one sick SOB...you know that, right?