Doubt, it's quite a thing. Sneaks up on you when you least expect it and hits you with all the subtlety of a frag grenade. Not being content with that, it flings those bits of flak at you, which find their way into your brain, and leave you paralysed...
I have temporarily pulled myself up out of the cesspool of depression that my daily routine has become, to take five minutes doing what I do best. Whining and Bitching like no one else can.
It wouldn't be so bad if I was sure I'll never get into IIT. That's fine, I can live with that. It would be friggin sweet if I knew for sure that I'd get a rank, but that's really not the case either. It's this whole 'in between' thing that makes it hard. If I don't try, it's sad cause I'm passing up the chance that I might get in. But if you try and end up getting screwed, well...it's two years wasted and a lifetime's worth of depression for nothing...
I'm not even sure getting in is worth it, now. Sometimes I feel like I just might make it to a seat in IIT-B, other times I feel like my optimism is delusional. Somewhere in the middle, I end up hoping I get into the new IIT-G, which is being mentored by Mumbai, so I'll end up studying in the IIT B campus even if I'm ranked low...
But for it to be worth all this, all the work, all the crippling depression that students endure, IIT has to be pretty fucking mindblowing. The professors better be some sort of psychics, chanelling the spirits of Einstein or freaking Newton, for this to be worth it. The campus ought to be a damn beach resort, for this to be worth it. Upon graduation, we ought to be declared supreme rulers of the free freakin world. Throw in 42 virgins in heaven and some M&M's, and all of that might just make it all worth it...
I end with a (doctored) line from South Park, which I think summarizes the whole dilemma nicely.
'Trying for IIT is like a man dying of thirst, getting cow urine poured down his throat. He thinks, "Well, I AM thirsty, but this is fucking Cow Piss..."
